He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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