I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was not drunk enough for that final.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
