Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
