One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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