This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
