She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
