Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
