You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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