I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
