You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
