The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he shaved USA in his pubs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
