i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
