PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
