Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
