I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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