ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
