HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
