Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you win again, gameday.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you had me at cake vodka
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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