just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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