I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
