and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
