how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When did angry sex become our thing?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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