so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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