No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
