We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
