yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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