Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
