The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
