think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
