This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
