You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
