I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize