Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
