just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
