At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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