i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
