i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
