I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
