porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize