You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
