Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
