we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize