She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
