Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
