Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
