so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
