Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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