I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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