Please, let me fuck your mom
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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