if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
