Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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