I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
