I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize