is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
