I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
