I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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