wat bout pragnant strippers??
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
