Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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