OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
