I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
