Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
