Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
