NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
