so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
