Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
