If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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