STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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