Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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