new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
