i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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