The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
