How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
