What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just tell him i said nine months
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize