she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
