I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
